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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Relational Sabotage

Relationships are like our Eating Habits. We all know what's good for us, but very few do it. It is not a secret that fresh vegetables, fish, whole grains, water, and fruits are all good for us. However, we settle for the Big Mac, soda, chocolate chip cookies and corn chips.

The same can be said for our relationships. Most know that love, patience, caring confrontation, humility, and gentleness would benefit our relationships. Yet all too often we settle for impatience, harsh words, sarcasm, selfishness, and anger.

Why is it we sabotage our most important relations (as well as our health)? Permit me to suggest just one reason:

FEAR: Fear can be a very motivating factor in our decisions. We may be afraid that someone will take advantage of us, if we don't respond in an aggressive, dominant manner. Fear that our spouse won't meet our needs. Fear abandonment, hurt, vulnerability, discomfort, etc...

Whenever we are in a situation that causes us to fear. Consider what happened when Adam and Eve sinned in Genesis 3:8-10:
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God
as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they
hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9But the
LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’
10 He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid
because I was naked; so I hid.’”


Bottom line, Fear cause us to Hide & Hiding is the opposite of Connection.

So, next time you experience negative emotions rising in a relationships, don't hide and sabotage your chances for connection. Do what's healthy for you and the relationship. You'll be one step closer to the connections you long for.

Relational Sabotage

Relationships are like our Eating Habits. We all know what's good for us, but very few do it. It is not a secret that fresh vegetables, fish, whole grains, water, and fruits are all good for us. However, we settle for the Big Mac, soda, chocolate chip cookies and corn chips.

The same can be said for our relationships. Most know that love, patience, caring confrontation, humility, and gentleness would benefit our relationships. Yet all too often we settle for impatience, harsh words, sarcasm, selfishness, and anger.

Why is it we sabotage our most important relations (as well as our health)? Permit me to suggest just one reason:

FEAR: Fear can be a very motivating factor in our decisions. We may be afraid that someone will take advantage of us, if we don't respond in an aggressive, dominant manner. Fear that our spouse won't meet our needs. Fear abandonment, hurt, vulnerability, discomfort, etc...

Whenever we are in a situation that causes us to fear. Consider what happened when Adam and Eve sinned in Genesis 3:8-10:
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God
as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they
hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9But the
LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’
10 He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid
because I was naked; so I hid.’”


Bottom line, Fear cause us to Hide & Hiding is the opposite of Connection.

So, next time you experience negative emotions rising in a relationships, don't hide and sabotage your chances for connection. Do what's healthy for you and the relationship. You'll be one step closer to the connections you long for.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Homework Excuses

The boys were at my door knocking on a Fall day in 1983. They were holding a football, one which we used every day we could. The community we lived in had the perfect # of boys (10, including myself). This made for some competitive games in our side yard.

As a 5th grade boy, the only thing I hated more than homework, was missing a football game with my buddies because of homework. My mother turned from the screen door and asked the probing question... "Is your Homework Finished?"

My initial "YES" didn't convince her. Somehow she realized I was saying "YES" to football instead of her questions. She continued her interrogation... "ALL OF IT?"

She had me with that one. All the important homework was completed, but of course my definition of important and my teacher's (& her's) definition of important didn't always match. Following a spell of whining and excuses, I sat inside trying to focus on my important homework, while my buddies made football history without me.

Hopefully I have become a bit more mature and responsible over the years, but sometimes I wonder what God sees in our lives when we consider Christ's assignment in Matthew 28:18-20, "Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." (the Message).

Below is a Top 10 List of excuses given to the Lord concerning our "homework."

1. It was too hard.
2. I didn’t know what to do
3. I was busy doing church stuff
4. My pastor didn't recruit me
5. Really, there are lost people in America?
6. I didn’t have the money
7. My church needed me!
8. I tried to reach some, but I’m not very good at it.
9. I'm more of a family man.
10. My church didn’t tell me what to do!

Perhaps we need to re-examine our lives, and determine what is really IMPORTANT. Think About It!

Saturday, October 2, 2010



With the surge of TV shows such as CSI & 24, genetic testing, cloning and many other social dynamics... the initials "DNA" have become common language. DNA stands for Deoxyribonucleic Acid. Since my sister is the Bio-Chemist, I won't pretent to know what that 16 letter word means... but, let me share Wiki's def, "the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms."

During the 4-Week teaching Series, beginning Oct 17, we will be looking at the "genetic" instructions that contribute to the development & function of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Unlike our Biological DNA, our Relational DNA is a choice, and therefore can be improved. I hope you'll join us as we unpack the truth about healthy relationship! Invite someone to come with you.